the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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