even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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