Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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