So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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