you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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