Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
