Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
