So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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