Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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