I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I still have a little drunk in my system
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
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