I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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