just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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