ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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