I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
ttyl tear gas
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
