I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
