It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
