So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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