She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
