in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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