so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
