i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize