I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
