it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
