piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
