Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
