Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
and you fell through a lawn chair
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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