so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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