Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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