after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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