So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
