My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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