She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize