I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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