At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
