I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
