the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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