Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
