At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
