Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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