What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize
