Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
sex in a hospital.. check
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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