I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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