I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
