Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
