i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
