the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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