Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
