well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
