My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
