Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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