Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
