my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
