i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
