honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
