He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
