I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize