PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
