my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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