We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
