just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
