It's like God shit irony all over that family
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
