she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
