hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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