I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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