Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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