So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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