Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
