So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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