They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Randomize
