Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
