I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
