This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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